A women's love: shopping. Do you dread it? It's a depressing experience for me.
This is my first post on my new blog about my weight loss journey. I am not typically a very open person, especially about my personal feelings. Well, let's be totally honest here - I'm NOT open about my personal feelings. Not even with my own husband. Mainly because I think so negative of myself. When I would talk to Cody about my being overweight or not liking my clothes anymore, his response is always "honey you are beautiful" or "you look great in anything you wear." Shouldn't I be happy that he finds me beautiful? Yes, yes I should. But that's not enough for me. I don't find myself attractive and I definitely don't like everything that I wear. I wear it because I'm that big and it's the only thing that fits. I wear it because its big and baggy and hides things. I don't wear clothes to feel sexy and I don't look in mirrors because I'm completely ashamed of what I see.
My sister is an extremely wise and loving person. Her name is Ashley - she's my big sissy and she's somebody (one of the only people) I can talk to about anything. She's honest with me. She knows, just as I do, that I'm overweight and need to lose weight and be healthy. The greatest advise she ever gave me? 'You have to be happy with yourself and love yourself before anybody else can.' She's brilliant, that girl! ;) But she's completely right! She may have had to tell me that a thousand times, but I heard her this last time she said it and it clicked. I HATE MYSELF. I don't love myself. I don't love the person I've become and I definitely don't love what I've let myself look like. And only I can change that. <---- That's a hard lesson for me to learn. My husband can't be home with me 24/7 making sure I don't eat anything I'm not supposed to; The waitress at the restaurant isn't going to tell me I can't order that food because I'm fat. Oh, I hate that word!
So, bottom line is that it's up to ME! me. me. me. me. Me. Me. ME. ME. ME!!! I have to start this and I have to finish it. So I'm going to! And promise you, this will be the absolute hardest thing I have ever, ever done in my entire life! It won't be easy, there will be set backs I'm sure, but when I make it through this and step on that scale to see my ideal weight, I will have succeed at something that is a dream of mine right now. I have to make it a reality. I have to take control and get my life back.
I hope that you will follow me through this journey and if you're reading this - I hope you're here to support me. More details will come soon and more posts as well, but for now - I wanted to shout from the rooftop for the whole world to know ... I WILL BE FABULOUS AGAIN!!! <3
